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School failure: Establishing real communication

Article last edited on June 2, 2016 by Admin

Why is the quality of communication important with children who are failing at school? But it is not a question here of communicating for the sake of communicating or of positioning oneself as an adult. It’s more about recognition.

A need to be “interested” in them

Young people approach adulthood without having the slightest notion of what human and personal interactions can be. I often have the impression that our educational system is primarily aimed at preparing individuals to live in isolation in cages. »Carl Rogers

Children who are failing at school have a great need to be “interested” in them. They must feel recognized as individuals, understood in their school difficulties. Their often manifested aggressiveness is most of the time only a cry of suffering.

They actually expect us to listen to them and help them. They want to feel “important” to teachers.
Many studies conducted in the United States have shown that academic success and student behavior in the classroom are influenced by the quality of the teacher-student relationship.

Following her extensive research on children’s motivation, Deborah Stipek demonstrated the importance for teachers of establishing quality relationships with students: “Teachers work more with teachers who treat them as individuals and who are interested in their personal life outside of school.

Several studies conducted in the United States also show that a student who has established strong relationships with his teachers and classmates, and who feels perfectly integrated into his establishment, is less likely to fall into faults such as violence. , vandalism, drug use, suicide, depression, premature cessation of studies.

True parent-child communication

It is important to set up a privileged moment of regular meeting time between the child and his parents: once a week or every day depending on the availability of the parents. The duration of these exchanges will have to be fixed in advance and the place too. A certain solemnity and a certain seriousness must surround this parent-child meeting. Initiate this exchange in a relationship of trust by showing your child that he can be listened to and accepted as he is.

During this time of communication, the child must have the certainty that he will really be listened to and heard. It is indeed important for the child to obtain quality listening from the parents. Avoid interpreting your child’s words according to your adult logic. Avoid cutting him off and systematically contradicting him.

On the contrary, help your child to structure his thinking and make his own decisions. This meeting is not a “reframing”. Never be judgmental. Never fall into moralizing remarks and, above all, do not make your child feel guilty. Always show kindness and empathy towards him. Take what comes. Never force confidence. Your child does not necessarily expect precise answers or solutions to questions from you.

Active listening

Attentive listening and a positive and benevolent look are just as important to him. Never forget that the form of the interview is more important than the content. Never forget that you are his parents, not his teachers. He really needs to feel that you love him. He must constantly feel that he is very important to you. It is also very important to know how to conclude this interview.
Always end with a positive. “We are convinced that you can progress.

Whatever happens, we will do everything to get you there. We trust you. Don’t hesitate to ask us for help if you encounter any problem.
But parents are not children’s friends! we must avoid establishing a buddy-buddy relationship because we would install a relationship of complicity which would prevent the parents from playing their structuring role. You can be very attentive to your child, have a lot of empathy towards him, but you must not forget that the role of parents is to provide benchmarks and set limits. A teenager needs boundaries. He learns to structure himself by opposing the adult.

Case : Louis Musso

Louis Musso was a professor of PE at Paul Sabatier University at the UFR sport. Now retired, he is also a Caycedian Master Specialist Sophrologist. He is convinced that most children have normal intelligence. He thinks that most of their school failures are the consequence of a bad management of their emotions.

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